The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .

However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry see here now with common sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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